You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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