i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
