I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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