you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize