Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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