Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
