I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
