So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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