mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
