i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize