I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
