did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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