We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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