so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
