Bisexual people are plain selfish.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
