At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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