he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
