that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
