I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
