pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize