he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
