I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
