i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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