Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
