Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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