i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
