Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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