My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
