Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize