I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
