hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
