I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
