nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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