I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
