how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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