I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
