Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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