I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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