worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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