first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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