Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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It's no shave November. This is our time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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