he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
