my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
