Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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