Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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