I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is my gift to your gina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
