look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk is not a location!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
