It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
