someone get that fucking seahorse.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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