I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
