My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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