i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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