i don't like sucking hair
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
