I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
