Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
