once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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