I wish I only lived at night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.