And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.