Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.