blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions