chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no