so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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