Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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