It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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