He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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