I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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