I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drake has all the answers
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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