I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
