she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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