Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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